Heed Life's Lessons

As mentioned in my very first post, I am nearing 4 years out of a 40-year relationship with one man.   Thirty-six of those years as married.  After an agonizing tumultuous first year of barely surviving my divorce proceedings, I began to turn my focus to the internet for helpful suggestions, and to search for others who had been through the same ordeal as I. 

Now…before I go any further, I want to tell you that I had PLENTY of suggestions, counsel, and advice in REAL life.  I had the most amazing support from my family.  Without them I am not sure what would have happened.  And, not to depart from the theme here (I hope there is a theme buried somewhere in here) but, and that’s a big but, AT THE TIME, I dropped exactly one pound for every year married!  You do the math!

Only 3 short years ago, during my much-protested (by me) divorce, I had just begun a new part-time position at home.  I had "retired" from my 18 year stint as an office manager at an engineering company (with full support of my ex) to start the next chapter of my life and to babysit for grandchildren.   During this same time, my dear mother was nearing the end of her life.  Her loving husband of 67 years took care of her every need until he was no longer able (at age 97).  It was then that, again, my supportive family came to the rescue.  We kept my mother in her own home until she died.  Lots of work, stress, and long hours.  We did it though, and, for that, everyone is thankful.  And now, this June 3^rd, 2011, my dad will be celebrating his…….get this……100^th Birthday!  Since my divorce, my dad gets around more than I…and I am beginning to get jealous!   

The reason I mention my family issues is because I want to let you to know the tremendous amount of pressure and anxiety that was taking place in my life all at once.  Betrayal.  Death.  Divorce. New Job.  


Alas!  Not all was on the down side though.  In that same time period, I also had 3 more precious grandchildren make their way into the world!  I have a total of 5 now!  And I am soooo thankful that I am involved daily in their lives.  It’s been a blessing...a Godsend.

But back to my theme(?).  In cyber-space, everything you (n)ever wanted to know about divorce is out there… advice for young couples, advice for couples with children, advice on “how to get back with your ex,” advice for coping.    

But I was looking to communicate or read the blog of…of…someone like ME...a “reasonably” intelligent woman, “slightly” older.  Someone with a wealth bit of humor and practicality.  Someone family-oriented, but had lots of a limited amount of time for herself.

I wanted to communicate with that person who thought she’d had a somewhat “normal” marriage.  Now, don’t get hung-up on the words “normal marriage”.  All marriages have their faults.  I am fully aware of my faults, the faults as a couple, and “the ex’s” faults.  I am also aware of the good, and sometimes very good, strengths that I, and even “the ex,” sometimes brought to the marriage.

I was searching to share life-experiences or read about a woman with a long-term marriage that ended as abruptly as mine, and whose grown, adult, out-of-the-house children were content in their lives, as mine are.  I was searching to communicate with someone who was at the brink of embarking on a new chapter (the wonderful “golden” years) in her life and then suddenly had it all ripped away.

I still haven’t been able to find that person...not quite.  Perhaps there is no one with an experience quite like mine as everyone's life travels a different path.  But I believe people are out there.  People who have not come forward to talk about their heartache.  Hence, this blog.  Slowly but surely, as one gets to know me…the real me…perhaps they, too, will come out of the woodwork to share their story and begin the healing process.

I think it’s necessary to meet women who share the same interests/background as me.  That's important. You want to really start figuring out who you are and what you're all about. Most men dive back into dating too soon after a divorce and find the same woman again...many before leaving the first one!

I am finding that most men NEED a woman in their life.  Most women do NOT need a man.  Unfortunately, sometimes finances play a part in what a woman needs.  For those younger who can sustain themselves and their families and do it ALL alone?  I give you so much credit.  You show how capable you really are and should be proud.

Learn from your experience and from your last relationship. Welcome those lessons learned.  You will be satisfied with YOURSELF. 

Beware:  If you are divorced or out of a long-term relationship, it’s necessary to experience the pain.   A new relationsh­ip takes away the pain, BUT the step to recovery that you are skipping over by entering into a too-soon new relationship, is a most important one. 

This is the time for self-examination and to understand what your contribution (or lack of) did to the relationsh­ip.  YOU will be the one to succeed.  Why? Because then you have a chance to LEARN and to do BETTER.

Quackers!

I came to the rescue of a couple ducks the other day.  The two mallards were waddling across the median on a side street I was driving down on my way to the post office. 

I slowed, thinking the birdies were surely going to reach the curb by the time my car approached, but nothing was fazing these two “love birds.”  The ducks continued taking their sweet old time.

Suddenly, I spotted a serious problem.  Oblivious to the large cat stealthily creeping up behind them, the ducks, a male and female, continued their waddle across the street directly in front of my idling car.  The cat’s body, prepped for a pounce, inched closer to his prey until I opened my window and “hissed” at it.  And I can “hiss” with the best of them!

Perhaps my concern for those two ducks helps negate my feelings of guilt for chasing out the ducks that take up residence in my pool from March through mid-June.  

A Bridesmaid but Never a Bride?

I first saw the trailer for BRIDESMAIDS while in the theater to see another movie a couple of weeks ago.  The small snippets seemed as if it would be funny, but I dismissed it, thinking the movie was trying to be a “guy” movie for gals.  I thought it would be the typical “junior high” humor…something I am not usually a fan of.  

However, on a rainy day (one of many, recently) with a few hours to spare, I decided to see what this movie was about.  Besides, I needed a light-hearted comedy to chase away a light case of the blahs.

And guess what?  It was worth the short trip to the theatre. I was pleasantly surprised that the movie actually had a story line, and I was interested in seeing how it would play out. It was a hilarious comedy to be enjoyed by all…not just for women...although it was written by a woman.

The characters, especially the main character, Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live, were genuine (in a slightly over-the-top kind of way), despite some gross-out gags, and profane language (hence the “R” rating).  I thoroughly enjoyed Kristen Wiig as Annie. She is absolutely wonderful and soooo funny!

Annie is the penniless main character whose messed up life is crumbling as she tries to make good on her expensive duties as Maid Of Honor for her best friend.  

See it and let me know what you think!

To Wipe or not to Wipe…that is the Question

Today I made my way through the grocery store.  My usual trip for food and other household necessities.    I try to limit my shopping to once a week.  I would prefer going even less often, and sometimes I manage that.  When I do, I feel proud that I s-t-r-e-c-h-e-d my dollar just a little bit further.

I have 5 grandchildren I watch, so I am always on the look-out for goodies for them.  At the moment, lunch has come full-circle.  It’s back to buying peanut-butter and jelly (strawberry jam at grandma’s) after a 30 year long hiatus when MY two were little ones.  Mostly though, the grandkids get turkey lunch meat with green beans, fruit, and…mustn’t forget the dessert.  They seem quite satisfied with that menu, right now, so all is good. 

It used to be that Macaroni and Cheese was the lunch of choice, but they tired of that.  Suddenly, what they proclaimed was their favorite, they now whine  they “don’t like it anymore.” 

Besides.  Grandma (a.k.a. Bob Evans) had the “traditional” macaroni noodle.  One wanted the “spiral” noodle like they get at home, another wants the skinnier, shorter noodle.  It’s hard to make everyone happy.  And who do we want happy?  Grandma…that’s who!  When Grandma’s happy…….everybody’s happy!

So, while I am in the grocery store picking out necessities, I am, again, in the toilet-paper aisle. Oh.  I guess it’s called toilet-TISSUE aisle.   Anyway, I say “again” because I swear I was just here recently spending almost $20 for the “BIG” size tissue.  And now here I am shelling out another $18.50 for more.  What is going on here?  These rolls that claim to be “double?”  No way!  I know that in a matter of a couple of days, that roll will be empty again!

Excuse me for the visual, but I pride myself on being clean in ALL my personal hygiene habits, but (no pun intended) changing a toilet paper roll every two days?  In my personal bath?  It’s not Grand Central Station, after all!

I have no scientific evidence, but my experience tells me that the rolls today are much smaller, nor are they wound as tight.  And the cost is exorbitant.  Will we have to return to the Sears-Roebuck Catalog in our hour minute of need?

And it’s not just toilet paper.  Have you seen the Ice Cream containers?  They are not all 2-quarts anymore.  The one is got today is 1.5 quarts.  My favorite Keebler Chocolate Chip Cookies that I have been munching on for years and years and years, suddenly look as small as silver dollars…and each almost as expensive! 

How about potato chips?  You are buying a bag of AIR!  And look at the price!  Unbelievable.

Companies are camouflaging their price increases by selling their products in smaller packages. 

But hey, look on the bright side…it’s less calories….except for that darn toilet tissue!

Sprucing Up the Yard

I have a medium-sized Weeping Cherry Tree in the landscaping outside my front window.  You know the kind.  The branches grow up and then bow gracefully towards the earth in a “weeping” style.  I love that tree and wait anxiously every year for it to bloom.  And not until I witness those delicate pink flowers blossoming, does it signify the official start of the spring season.   

About five or six years ago I added one of those whimsical faux-stone faces to the tree.  With my help, my grandkids have had fun letting their imaginations come up with silly stories about Mr. Tree.  Mr. Tree has been spotted by friends, neighbors and visitors over the years. 

But poor Mr. Tree’s character began to fade right along with his appearance.  Still, he stood stone-faced through all types of weather keeping watch and greeting visitors as he stood guard outside my  window. 

My front window has always been a favorite spot for my 5 grandchildren.  We sit there and watch the world go by during the long winter months.  Then watch spring come alive with the arrival of ducks, squirrels, all types of birds (my neighbor lovingly feeds all critters), and bunnies, Bunnies, BUNNIES.

I visited a dollar store the other day looking for nothing in particular.  Occasionally I discover trinkets for the kids, or I spot some small, fun, do-hickey for the pool or yard.  It was that day when I came across 12 colorful Sharpie permanent (at least I hope they are permanent) markers.  I picked up the pack of felt tipped markers and headed for the checkout.  Five Dollars total?  Great.  Three coloring books, sidewalk chalk, and those markers.  Such a deal!

When I got home, first… the blue marker to color Mr. Tree’s big googly eyes.  Second?  Pink for those luscious lips.  Mr. Tree…oops MRS. Tree…….now how am I going to explain that?

Let's Go See a Flick!

Took a couple of hours this afternoon and headed out to see a movie.  “Water for Elephants.”   I enjoyed it… thoroughly…a Two Thumbs Up!  The movies I REALLY like, or those that leave a lasting impression, are often too few and far between.  So when I see something that I think is good, I recommend it!

I go alone to the theater.  I like prefer it that way.  And I prefer catching most movies late on Sunday mornings (when everyone is in church), or seeing an afternoon matinee during the week.  

First.  It’s only $5.   

Secondly?  There are usually not too many movie-goers in the theater.

And Thirdly?  I don’t want to share my armrest…not with a stranger…unless it’s Kevin Costner who happens to be there previewing a flick.  And THAT ain’t gonna happen. 

I really enjoy the early shows because most of the time I feel as if I am getting a private showing!  Gotta love that!

And the best part?  There will be no one in close proximity crackling cellophane off the candies that they are e-v-e-r--so--s-l-o-w-l-y unwrapping thinking no one can hear.  Or how about the chump chewing vigorously as he stuffs down a bucket of popcorn?  SOMETIMES I can forgive little eating sounds during a comedy. But when I am engrossed in a who-done-it, or a drama where I NEED to hear every word of dialogue in order to follow the story?  I cannot stand the unnecessary noise. 

How can someone continue to eat at the most critical points in a movie?  Popping candy and popcorn in your pie-hole while watching “Schindler’s List” or flicks like “Dances with Wolves,”  “The Godfather” or, heaven forbid, while Paul Newman is boasting in “Cool Hand Luke” is downright annoying.  What ARE these people thinking? 

A Royal Day Indeed!

I witnessed some class today…some major class.   The wedding of Prince William and his bride Kate (Catherine) Middleton. 

Of course, the world was abuzz with all the details of the wedding.  I awoke early, 5 am eastern standard time, just in time to get a good seat in front of my television.  The event was soon to begin.

It was refreshing to see such a young couple (he’s 28 and she’s 29) full of style, grace and beauty.  I only hope that this wedding can be a model for future brides to aspire.   

I fully understand that only the very privileged can (or would want to) come close to duplicating such an extravagant affair, but I hope brides (and grooms) everywhere will take note of the couple themselves.  They demonstrated such dignity and poise.  Their love will conquer all.  Yes, even, and perhaps more-so, because of their royalty, they will have obstacles to overcome. 

   

The Future King and Queen of England.  

Fairytales can come true.



Internet Dating – Tier Three - Face

Tier Three – The Face-to-Face.  Woo Hoo! (But don’t start celebrating yet!)  Finally...a graduate from Tier Two - The Phone Call.  One of a few who has now made it to the finals. Tier 3 – The Face-to-Face.  First the Brain, then the Voice, and now, the Face.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve met a small portion of pleasant men at first “coffee” meeting from these sites.  BUT…and it’s quite a big BUT…I’ve also met many more men with strange quirks. 

Men who drink too much.  Men who trash their ex-wives, who talk too loud, who talk too quietly, who are cheap, who are extravagant, who don’t comb their hair (which makes me wonder if they know what a toothbrush and floss are for), and don’t forget the dreaded “porn-stache”. 

I’ve met men who wear filthy baseball hats, wear white socks with sandals, wear LOUD T-shirts advertising cartoon characters (yuk), men who curse too much, men who don’t talk enough…well...you get the idea. 

And don’t forget, these men were some of the most promising who had made my first two cuts.  OMG!  Out of these top graduates, most did NOT turn into real dates after the first introductory get together.
   
I only chose to date a very few. Would you believe that there were even a few who didn’t seem to want to date me?  (gasp)…go figure...must have been something wrong with them. lol   

Of the few I did choose to meet again (I’ll tell you about them in another post one day), no one has captured my interest beyond a date or two. 

Have a Happy Easter!

Internet Dating - Tier Two - Voice

I’ve found that as soon as you give out your cell number (a gal’s got to be careful) over e-mail, the phone rings immediately.  Doesn’t matter what the time….even during the wee hours of the morning. 

I learned this late one evening when the ringer on my phone interrupted the nighttime silence, startling me.  The call came only seconds after sending my number out to someone by e-mail.  I thought it strange at first, but have come to discover that it is commonplace.

So…the phone rings and you talk.  If the talk is give-and-take, then that’s a great thing (it’s not fun being ALL on the “listening” side or being ALL on the “chatty” side…I’ve been on both ends).  Is he asking the “right” kind of questions?  It’s a delicate balance. 

If there are too many personal questions, you feel like you are giving out too much information.  If there are no questions and it’s all about him, he seems uninterested.  Just watch for the questions (or requests) that are too personal…some of them deserve a hang-up…being just this side of an obscene call.

Then there is the voice.  I hate to admit it, but yes, even the voice matters…to me, at least.  Proper English? Accent?  Too loud?  Too soft?  Too much profanity?  If you don’t like something now, it will only get worse as you get acquainted.

You can learn a lot about a person from a phone call.  Listen carefully.  Read between the lines.

So he passed Tier Two - The Voice?  Then it’s on to Tier Three – Face-to-Face.

Click here to read more about Internet Dating Fun.
 

Internet Dating – Secret Recipe

Here are the conditions I use to decide if I should even write to someone…let alone meet them.  There are 3 basic tiers I require the prospective suitor to meet:

Tier One - Text/Profile or “If He Only Had A Brain”:   I DO scrutinize the profile and e-mail.  Lots of people say they don’t judge and that it's wrong to judge.  I say you HAVE to judge!  How else do you choose?  We are constantly judging everyone and everything.  People perceive judging as a negative…but it’s NOT a negative…it’s a positive!  OK now, back to the skinny…

The Profile (Brain) (and yes, that DOES include close scrutiny of the picture(s) they choose to post…no need to feel guilty about that.  Contrary to what some say…it’s NOT shallow).  I closely observe how they’re dressed. What’s with those undershirt shots?  

Study the background in the picture.  It’s amazing what you may see. Look at the house (or heaven forbid, the beach) they’re standing in.  I closely inspect their children (yes…a picture of a strange, tattooed, pants-on-the-ground, gold-grill-in-his-mouth kid WILL nix the deal...YO…like-father-like-son (or daughter).

Does his profile text read well and follow some kind of logic…at least a little?  It's unbelievable how many don’t use any punctuation!  It makes the profile impossible to read!  I can overlook a few typos or even some spelling errors but, come on now. Your profile has to make sense!  You ARE trying to make an impression, aren’t you?  A good impression? 

Don’t misunderstand.  I am not knocking a lack of education, by any means. I don’t look for the most educated person, but I do seek out COMMON SENSE.  A hard-working, common sense, truthful person is what’s most important.  I’ve come across a couple of medical doctors on the site who were downright rude, full of themselves, and had questionable morals! 

On another note.  What is it with men and communication?  They WANT to keep an open chat going via e-mail, but EVERY note they send leads to a dead-end.  I always ask a question or two to keep the conversation moving along.  IF, by a slim chance they answer my question (didn’t they READ my note?), they never make a query in return.  Don’t they know that ENDS the conversation?  Then they write back a week later and want to know what happened!  Strange. 

If my potential date succeeds in passing Tier 1, The Brain (MOST on POF haven’t made it out of Tier 1, and never will), then they graduate and it’s on to Tier Two - The Voice.

Click here to read another fun post about Internet Dating

Internet Dating 101- Two Years Later!

911!   After a couple months years (has it been that long?) of scrolling through countless internet dating profiles, the men all look the same….WAIT….I think they ARE the same! 

I believe it may have something to do with those unruly mustaches hanging under all their noses.  Funny. Reminds me of the push-broom that’s been hanging in my garage all these years!   

Listen…I love a little facial hair! A shadow, or a closely (closely being the operative word) trimmed goatee…great.  But that big bushy “porn-stache?” Well, that’s GOTTA GO!  NOW!  The ONLY person that can still pull off all the hair on their upper lip is Tom Selleck …and even he needs to bring his 70s look up-to-date.

It’s unbelievable to me but, yes, two years have passed since I apprehensively filled out my very first internet dating profile.  And what a two years it’s been.

I feel as if I know these poor souls men whose profiles’ stare back at me from behind the safety of my screen.  Some profiles disappear, only to return again a month or two later.  Explanation?  They found their soul-mate (I detest the word soul-mate), only to discover (again, and again, and again) that they had made an error in judgment.

My profile, along with many others, eventually expanded to include a few other dating websites.  Sites with names limited only by your imagination.   Take my word, there is a site to suit everyone’s needs…from the usual suspects to the unconventional.  All yours at the touch of a keyboard.

While on “Match,” someone I knew from my small community whose picture popped up daily on my screen, suggested I try out a free site he had discovered…a Completely. Free. Site.   Plenty of Fish (POF).   You know that old saying?  You get what you pay for?  How absolutely fitting. 

Tomorrow I’ll tell you my own secret recipe I follow before meeting a prospective date.

Click here to read more about Internet Dating Fun